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Squirrels...you say?

Posted by DigitalDarrell, 09 February 2007 · 1125 views

Today, someone mentioned squirrels in the forums. Immediately my blood pressure rose to dangerous levels. Again, I started contemplating evil things concerning squirrels. Somebody help me!

But, you must understand -- it is NOT my fault. For you see, I have several demonized squirrels in my yard. They eat 50 pounds of birdseed every day. They can levitate to get to the bird feeders. They have "Jaws of Life" built into their teeth and can rip the entire top off of a bird feeder. They have made a pact with the moles so that I trip any time I get near the feeders. I think they are now eating birds too.

Soon, I must learn to love squirrel flesh. Roasted squirrel, squirrel soup, squirrel hamburger, squirrel spaghetti and meatballs, squirrel butter for my toast. I must now go to the store and buy myself a nice .50 caliber sniper rifle. These squirrels must die!

Well, I best shut up, since this is a family forum. I don't want the kids to be thinking of mangled squirrel bodies as they try to go to sleep. (However, I often contemplate how to best mangle squirrel bodies!)

Such cute little rodent demons! I must now go prepare the mortar launcher.

"Squirrels ... Nature's Little Speed Bumps!"

Keep on capturing time...
Digital Darrell

Darrell, Im with you on these gd squirrels, I have neighbour who feeds these beasts and he sits in his cozy glass enclosed room looking outside as these scum come, sit up take peanuts out of their feeder, then run along his fence, over the alley way, up my fence and into my back yard, they dig up the grass, pull flowers from the pots and make a mess of things, too bad that it is illegal to have a .22 short shell rifle in the city, otherwise, these 5 scum would be long gone, I have asked this neighbour (we are great friends) to please do not feed them, and all I get is smiles,
So Darrell, my next plan is to buy a squirrel trap, trap these sob's take them to a park where we have coyotes, and let them be part of the food chain, cant wait till spring, and if they have little one, let the crows chew on them

Thanks for letting me vent
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I think your comment was funnier than my original post. I still laugh every time I read it.

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